It was harder waking up than it was falling asleep. I thought maybe it was all just a dream. It didn't take long to realize that You're still gone. What you said was right. I thought I could stick with you, faithful till the end. I hope this isn't all my fault...

Jesus, I am afraid. Is it all over now? I mean, did it all really crumble? This doesn't feel right. I just knew You were God. No one else was like You, but then You just died. You let them just take You. How could You just let them!? I thought You said the kingdom was coming Jesus? How can we have a kingdom without our King?

I mean, Jesus, I gave it all up, the family business, what I grew up knowning. My wife and in-laws did not seem to like the whole idea... That's an understatement! I gave it all, just like You said. I remember that story You often told, about the man who sold everything to buy the field because the field had a treasure in it. I remember that story vividly, not just the story, the expression on your face...

Oh... those expressions. There truely was no one like you Jesus. I loved the way you talked. There was just a way about You, words cannot describe it.

And now... You are gone. I find myself with Cleopas, John, Thomas and the others so confused. All this did not turn out how we thought it would. I mean, we knew You always had that bigger picture perspective, but Jesus, this feels like the end. Do You even hear me? I mean, You're dead.

If I had ever been confused, angry, not sure what to think or even do next, it is now. If You hear me I need a sign Jesus. This silence kills me. Will I ever hear You again? Will I ever see You again? Give me something... Please