Sometimes this blog serves as an online journal. Sometimes I share what God is showing me through teaching or reflection. Today seems like a journal day. Sarah taught me about what she thinks Jesus meant when He said to the outcasted woman, the day will come when they will worship God in spirit and in truth (John 4). And I think she is on to something…
I thought it always meant that true worship of God is in spirit (referring to Christians connecting with God through their spirit and Holy Spirit in union, as what happens when He joins Himself to us), and then the truth part meaning right theology, doctrine, or words. I don’t think I am wrong in that, because those two things are dear to The Father’s heart, but I don’t think my understanding has been complete. Sarah mentioned that what Jesus meant by truth, could also be explained as honesty.
King David in the Psalms is a good example of that. He was real, honest, and very open about what he was feeling, what he was thinking, and the situation around him. He was not one who stuffed his feelings, thoughts or ignored what surrounded him. He brought everything to God, raw and fresh. There was no neat package. He did not cushion what he prayed. He was real, honest, without shame before his Father. David worshiped God in spirit and in truth.
So here is my honest bit…
I think things are catching up with me. Most of my life with God has been a big sweaty ball of transition. I am kind of tired of it. Most of it I have brought on myself, and I don’t have any regrets. It just has been a lot of change. Some times it feels like too much change. My life in following God, year by year has gone like this:
(These are more like snapshots)
2006: Made the biggest decision of my life by deciding to follow Jesus, whatever that my look like.
2007: Still figuring out my new life in God, Mom got married/moved.
2008: Ended High School, Moved from home, Started college.
2009: Started more advanced classes, Working between 20 and 35 hours a week.
2010: Started dating Sarah, Junior year hardest class schedule by far, Still working between 20-35 hours/week.
2011: Got engaged, Youth Pastor at a church for the summer, Decided to plan to move to Cambodia.
2012: College dorm RA (impossible to quantify hours for that because you are never “off the clock”), Senior year classes, Graduated, Got married, Started life with Sarah, Rented first official home.
2013: Left first real world job to start missionary training, 2nd half of the year lived out of suitcase (lived/slept in over 25 different places, the longest being a month), Said bye to family, friends, pets, Moved to Guatemala.
2014: Move to Cambodia, Culture shock/stress, Every relationship is new.
As I write this, we just got back from the Kampong Cham province. Tomorrow we will be with a friend in Kien Svay, and Monday we will leave for Kampong Thom to spend time with a family for the Pchum Ben holiday. I counted today and after the Pchum Ben holiday we will have gone to/visited (not including just passing through) 8 different Cambodian provinces outside of Phnom Penh (our current place of residence), plus Vietnam and the Philippines. All but one for work related reasons (meaning with our Khmer friends here, other ministries – for learning/network/relationship related purposes. Ie – not vacation, even though the newness and traveling of vacation can often times be a stressor itself).
It has just been a lot. A lot of transition. A lot of moving. A lot of good byes, and a lot of hellos. It has been tough. And I don’t see an end to it soon. Like I said before, most of it has all been our choice, but still tiring nonetheless.
Thanks for hearing me out. I know mostly friends and family read this. And If you don’t know us, thanks as well.
It has all been good. But some days it just hits me.
God bless you all!
