I was asked that question recently at a retreat I attended. Sarah, unfortuneatly was sick and could not make it. The speaker gave us time to reflect and write out where we see ourselves in the kingdom. This is the first year in a while where I have not been in a place of leadership in some formal way. It was odd at first, and now I am beginning to adjust to it.
While in leadership it is easy to use a position as a crutch for defining identity. People come to a leader with questions to their problems. Leaders are important to a lot of people. What leaders do have ripple affects. It becomes easy to identify with what others think.
For me, this year so far has been a realization that I have a hard time not being somebody important to the human eye. Accusations of the enemy stuck to me, accusations like, "you aren't a strong Christian any more." or "your life is not amounting to anything." Before, condemnation would not have a strong hold over me because I had people telling me the opposite. Whether I would hear that from people or not, the nature of being in a position of leadership can, like I stated earlier, serve as a crutch for identity.
As the Lord is teaching me to live and smile in His security and His character it is not always natural. When asked that question during the retreat, the Holy Spirit gave me some concrete words I will have to revisit
from time to time. This is what I wrote.
In the session today the speaker addressed the parable of the hidden treasure. He described how our lives are about giving our selves. We are to sell all that we have and are to find a treasure that is worth much more then we are. Jesus said that is what the kingdom of God is like.I remember one time where God gave me a sweet revelation on that parable. I was chewing it over and He spoke to me saying, "Jordan, you are not that man. I am that man." We can spend our whole life trying and trying to give all that we are and think that one day, once we sell everything we have and have enough to buy that field, then we can be content. But until we realize that God is that man who sold all he had because of a so called hidden treasure in a field, until then, we will have trouble being content.I think this life is far more simple than we make it out to be. In this parable the Lord told us, Jesus has given everything. And it is because He saw us a worth it all. The man didn't need the treasure, this was not about addressing some lack in what he had. This was about this man's desire for something he thought was worth everything. In the same way, while many might think He is crazy, and while it looks crazy from the outside looking in, Jesus saw us as worth giving everything.This life is not about what we do or how pious we are. This life is about realizing who Jesus is, and that He is crazy about us.Along the way, I might be in ministry. I might be in some third world country. Or I might be just a husband and dad, and probably all three combined. But when that day comes when I am facing the Lord I don't think that the destinations will matter very much because the Lord will be looking at the journey. What will matter in light of eternity is if I knew God and if I believed in who He really was. I don't want to face that day with doubt in my heart. I want to face Jesus and be found with faith in my heart, as He asked the question, "… when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?" (Luke 18:8 NIV)I want to look back on my life with a smile on my face being able to see the Lord's work through it all. That's what matters to me, and I think that is what matters to Jesus. I don't think Jesus' goal is that His people would do everything right but rather with and in Him, in love.It always struck me what Billy Grahm answered when someone asked him looking back on his life what would he do differently. He said he would take less time preaching, and more time telling Jesus how much he loved Him.
That's the Lord's prayer for me this year and my prayer as well, that I would see myself from a kingdom perspective, not an earthly one.
